Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
