Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize