We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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