Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
