I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
