Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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