Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
