blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
