Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
you traded sex for a burrito?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize