God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
