the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
