Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
