I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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