we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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