Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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