Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize