Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
