I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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