why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize