dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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