i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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