You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
