STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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