How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
