you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
My dick has a subreddit
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize