You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
