she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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