If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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