i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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