I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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