No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I will pee on everything he values.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
