birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
