tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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