I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
