you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
My penis needs a shock collar
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
