Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
then he tried to convert me to islam
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize