Me too!
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
