Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
