i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
