You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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