there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
