He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
