first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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