That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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