peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
