dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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