there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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