i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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