Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
