Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize