I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
