he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
a search helicopter?!
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
