His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
You're breaking my sexual little heart
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
