so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
