any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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