At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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