slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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