Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
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