please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You may now shotgun with the bride
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Randomize
