Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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