i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
