I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I need to sanitize my soul.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
