that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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