im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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