don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
