just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
