what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
