There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
its liver damage thursday
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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