She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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