It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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