Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
