Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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