remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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