No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
