This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
