He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
