How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
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