I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
