Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
