He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
