once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Just invented taco cereal.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
