We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
