Three words: puerto rican gang bang
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
