I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize