Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
