i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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