I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
