you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
