By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Holy sore nipples Batman
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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