dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
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