A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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