I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
