is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize