I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize